Friday, May 27

Minimus Discovers Vintage


Minimus: Do you really think we'll find a coffee table for my apartment at this antique mall?

Me: I love this place! See? It's in an old train depot and has everything--antiques, vintage, fun junk. I bet you'll find something.

Maximus: I brought my list!

Me: Honey, it's not all about you today. I know that seems strange. 

Maximus: But I brought my list!

Me: You knew we were shopping for things for Minimus's apartment when you agreed to come along.

Maximus: But I still brought my list!

Hubby: I hope everything isn't expensive in here. We're not spending a fortune on a coffee table.

Me: Let's just go in...

Minimus: Hey, it's pretty cool in here.

Maximus: I'm going to look for some things on my list!

Hubby: Geez, some of this stuff is expensive.

Me: We've gone a total of 17 feet. Minimus, just go look around and see if you find something. 

                                              10 minutes later...

Maximus: (laughing) What are you doing in there?

Me: Where are you guys? What's so funny?

Maximus: Come here and look at Minimus!

Me: Wha..? Honey, what are you doing in a vintage clothing booth?

Minimus: Check out this shirt! It's vintage? I thought it was like Goodwill or something. It's cool!

Maximus: Bahahaha! It's terrible!

Minimus: It's cool. And it's vintage.

Me: It is kind of bad. Unless a 1974 middle management vibe is what you're going for.

Minimus: What? I like it. It's cool. And it's vintage. Oh wait, this blue one's better!  Hey, check it out! A plaid sport coat with rhinestones on the shoulders! 

Maximus: I have to get a picture of this. Go stand next to that mannequin head with the beret.

Hubby: What are you guys...   Why are you wearing that?!  I thought you needed a coffee table.

Minimus: This stuff is cool! And it's vintage. I'm going to get this shirt.

Hubby: It looks like a lot of the shirts you already have.

Minimus: But it's vintage.

Me: Let's just go look for a coffee table.

Minimus: Oh, I found one when we first came in. It's cool. And it's vintage.

image/flickr                               

Wednesday, May 18

Why Shopping is Annoying-Reason #127

These jackets are so cute! Just what I've been looking for. Let's see... Extra Small, Extra Small, Small, Small, Small, Large, Large, Large, Extra Large, Extra Large.  Hmm. No Mediums. There has to be a Medium...   shk, shk, shk, dammit, shk, shk...

Hey! This one's cute, too.Probably need a Large. It looks tiny...  Extra Small, Extra Small, Medium, Medium, Medium, Extra Large, Extra Large. What?! shk, shk, shk... Oh, for...Where are the skirts?
.
Oh, these are perfect! Not too short, not too long. Love this one! shk, shk.. 00, 0, 0, 2, 2, 6, 6, 8, 8, 10, 12. Where are the 4's? WHY AREN'T THERE ANY 4'S?!
  
     Me: Excuse me. Do you have any more of these skirts? I'd like to try one in a 4.

     Clerk: Let me check in the back. 

There is no back. This is official Clerk Speak for Maybe If I'm Gone Long Enough She'll Go Away.

Look at these cute sandals! Do they have an 8? There's a 7, 7, 7 1/2, 8 1/2, 9, 9. No 8.  Obviously my evil twin had some time to kill yesterday. 

     Clerk: I'm sorry but we don't have any more of those skirts. Is there anything else I can help you with? 

     Me: Do you have these sandals in an 8?

     Clerk: Aren't they cute?! We just put those out yesterday. Are the 8's gone already? That's a really popular size. They come in Tawny Puce, too. We have plenty of sizes in Tawny Puce.

     Me: I bet you do. But no, thank you.

     Clerk: Did you see these cute summer cardigans? Really interesting colors and we have lots!

     Me: I do like the blue one. I'd probably need a Medium.

     Clerk: Let me get one out of the stack for you. Oh. We must be out of Mediums in Mediterranean Sky . But here's a Medium in Tawny Puce! Oooh, and Rusty Goldenrod! And don't you just love this Burnt Mandarin?

     Me: Ah. "Dead Vegetation" cardigans.

     Clerk: No, I don't think that's who designed them. But aren't the colors AWESOME?!  Are you sure you wouldn't be a Large?

image/gettyimages

Monday, May 9

Raising the Towel Bar


Hubby (aka The Amazing Foldo): Is this a rag?

Me: No, I still use that towel. It's one of my favorites!

Hubby: It should be a rag. 

Me: But I like them when they get all broken in.

Hubby: Where does this blue towel go? 

Me: We got those blue towels as a wedding gift 20 years ago and you still don't know where they go?

Hubby: We got these blue towels as a wedding gift 20 years ago and you think the problem is that I still don't know where they go?

Me: What are you insinuating?

Hubby: What about these flowered ones? Rags.

Me: No! Those were Aunt Noni's. 

Hubby: You realize how old that makes these towels, don't you? No one knew who Elvis was when these were new. 

Me: You didn't put the dogwood pattern towels in the rags, did you? Mother and Dad got those when they were first married! I love those.

Hubby: You mean these sheer rectangles? These were towels? Why don't you use the new towels I bought? They're great!

Me: They're so fuzzy.

Hubby: Towels are supposed to be fuzzy! Clearly a concept  you are unacquainted with.

Me: Just let me fold the towels. You fold all those rags in that other basket.

Hubby: Rags?! Those are my gym clothes!

 image/readyaimlife

Wednesday, May 4

G(eewho'sresponsibleforthesefonts)mail

This is the default font for Gmail. It is incredibly small and unacceptable. So maybe this one? At least it's easier to see and it's the only one that doesn't get bold when it gets larger. The other fonts take it upon themselves to look like this. Like they're yelling!  Hm, I could use this one but it's bold-when-no-one-actually-told-it-to-be-bold, too. I like Tahoma. But see how small it gets on Normal? This is not normal. This is elfin. Then it goes to this. As if all my contacts need the large print edition. This font is nice, but this is the Large setting and it's so small! Must be the Starbucks font. And this is the next size up. You can read it from space!  Or this font, the Montana, where everything   is   very   far   apart. Seriously, who would use this assertive Hulk font? And this one? Oh, sure. Hahahaha! Gmail fonts are terrible. 

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