Why Shopping is Annoying-Reason #67

This vanity sizing thing has to stop. Back in The Land That Time Forgot  I am a solid size 8. Now my lower half is a zero. A zero! Technically this means I'm invisible from the waist down. This is clearly not the case. Ask anyone who has attempted to navigate a grocery store aisle with me in it. What do the truly tiny wear? (I know-Do Not Cry for Them, Allsotinya.) Soon small clothing will need to be sized by powers of ten. Excuse me. Do you have this skirt in a 0⁷? Trickery. Bah. But that soft pink dressing room lighting...



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Merry Christmas!

 

Merry Christmas!

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"Happy" Holidays

A mother obviously did not coin the term Happy Holidays.

A mother would have chosen a different adjective. 

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What Teachers Wish They Could Say (the series)

This semester has truly been the longest of my life. 

 You clearly didn't read the directions.  Yes, they're provided for each assignment. In your packet. The first day of class. There it is, that large stack of papers. It certainly wasn't that crumpled when I handed it out. 

Well, we've explored all the traditional learning styles and none seem to be working for you. No, Twitter is not yet considered a learning style. 

Yes, I'll still accept that assignment but you'll only receive partial credit. Because it was due in October. No, 'harsh' would be if I suggested that you live in a completely different space/time continuum than the rest of us and gave you a zero. Please say 'Hello' to Doc and Marty.

I'm sure there's a career where disorganization, an aversion to listening and the inability to proofread are prized skills.

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I Married a Christmas Elf (Chapter 3)

Here we go. I'm going to get the Christmas tubs out of the attic now! Time to tear the house to pieces and fill it with lots of red and green stuff. But I promise I'll only bring a few things down at a time! Lots and lots of red and green stuff. I went ahead and brought all the kitchen stuff down! And paper. And boxes and ribbon. I know you're still using your office so I'll just put some of the wrapping things in mine! And holly and reindeer and snowmen and lights. It won't all fit in mine. Can I just put some of it in yours? And jing jinglers, flu floopers, who wompers, blum bloopers. How about if I put all of the nutcrackers and golfing Santas together? What do you mean 'less obnoxious'?  Trum tupers, tar tinkers, slu slumkers, gar ginkers. Do you remember where we display the yule log candleholder Minimus made in Cub Scouts? Yes, we do. I am aware he's in college now. No, termites like damp wood. Our home is now Whoville. I need to be medicated. Just don't forget to put out my singing hamster!

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What Teachers Wish They Could Say (the series)

No, there is not a chance you could still get an A. Your average is a 74. 

No, you may not do extra, extra credit.

Check your syllabus. Yes, we have a syllabus. The first day of class. It's a little late now. 

What part of  'a hard copy is required' didn't you understand? If I want some cute animal pictures or a recipe, those you can email to me. 

I am no longer accepting excuses that contain the word 'printer' or 'I didn't know'.  

No, it wasn't in my mailbox. Yes, I looked before class. No, that wasn't my box because that's not my name.  Yes, that is embarrassing. 

I hope Santa puts a stapler in your stocking.