Twinkle Twinkle

                                              

                  
















                                                    Day One
Hubby: (returning from work) Why aren't the Christmas lights on? 

Me: Maximus was blowdrying her hair. HONEY! PUSH THE RESET BUTTON IN THE BATHROOM!

Maximus: I'M NOT IN THERE ANYMORE!

Me: JUST GO PUSH IT!

                                                              
Day Two

Hubby: (returning from work) Why aren't the Christmas lights on?

Me: Because it's raining and that trips the invisible fencing that trips the breaker that shuts off the Christmas lights that worried the cat that killed the rat that ate the malt and we all live in the house that the obviously-not-electrically-inclined Jack built.

Hubby: Funny. They take days to put up you know. Just once I'd like to drive up and see what they look like.

Me: You do get to drive up and see what they look like. Tonight they look like we're Jewish. 


Day Three
Hubby: (returning from work): The Christmas lights are on! Come see!

Me: KIDS! THE CHRISTMAS LIGHTS ARE ON! QUICK! COME DOWN AND SEE!

Maximus: IN A MINUTE! I JUST HAVE TO BLOW DRY MY HAIR!


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Happy Thanksgiving to All Kinds*

Ahh, Thanksgiving. The time when Hubby gets to spend a week among his own kind. And our kinds could not be more different.

Hubby:  Mom, where are the scissors?

Mom: Scissors? Oh, I don't know, Dear. Just use something else.

Hubby: You can't just sub-in any old utensil for scissors, Mom. Their functionality is pretty specific.

Mom: Just get something out of the knife drawer.

Hubby: Mom! Someone could lose a limb in there. I'll go buy you some new scissors. Where are your keys?

Mom: Keys? Oh, I don't know, Dear. 


I, on the other hand, grew up in a home with the motto A Place For Everything and It Damn Well Better Be There.

Me: Mother, where are the scissors?

Mother: Do you need the kitchen ones, the office ones, the sewing ones, the everyday ones, or the ones in the garage? Or do you need the pinking shears or the shredding scissors?

Me: I just need to cut off this thread.

Mother: Then get the sewing scissors. They're in my sewing box in the closet in the office. Just open the top and they're in the second compartment on the left, next to that cute pincushion you made for me in Brownies.

Happy Thanksgiving to everyone, whatever your kind! 

*a Scribbles holiday repeat!

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Happy Halloween! 

From our house to yours!

Opposite Me*

Opposite Me... is tan.

Opposite Me... drives an open-top Jeep. It is outdoorsy green. And always open. In order to carry her bike. Or her board. 

Opposite Me... looks good wet. Out of the shower. Or at the pool. Or at the beach. Especially at the beach.

Opposite Me... is luminous in direct sunlight. (See: Tan and Beach)
. 
Opposite Me... wears sunglasses only to look cute. And to hold back her maintenance-free wind hair. Not because the bright light makes her squint like a mole. 

Opposite Me... is spontaneous. Her license plate says LETSGO. It is on her outdoorsy green open-top Jeep.

Opposite Me... can pack for an entire weekend in a ZipLoc bag. And will be prepared for dancing, hiking, swimming, the Farmers Market, and cocktails. 

Opposite Me... has a tattoo. (see: Spontaneous)

Opposite Me...  laughs in the face of gravity. Without the aid of underwires or duct tape.

Opposite Me... loves to watch the sunrise. Without coffee. Or makeup.

Opposite Me... looks cute in hats. Any hats. But doesn't need them because she has wind hair. (see: Open-top Jeep and Sunglasses)

Opposite Me... entertains. On the spur of the moment. And enjoys it. 

Opposite Me... is lucky she isn't real. I'd have to choke her. 

*A Maximus favorite!

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The Language of Love

   Caught in another 'meaningful conversation' with your significant other? At a loss for words, or simply disinterested? The following Clip-Out Guide provides a variety of suitable phrases and responses guaranteed to bring an end to virtually any discussion. The use of these phrases may result in the start of yet another 'meaningful conversation' and for this the author assumes no liability. 
  Caution: Preceding a phrase with a term of endearment is often attempted but results may vary. Discretion is advised. 

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THE FINISH LINE

•     Were you talking?        
•      Fine. Whatever.
  
•      I’m busy. You do it.
•     Are you wearing that?                                    
•   My mom's is better.                                     
•     I’m not listening.
•   Wait. I'm about to care.
•     Don’t bother me.
•     Can we never eat this again?
•     Look! Behind you!
•   Aunt Edna had a shirt like that.
•    Can you hear those scratching noises?
•    Please stop talking.
•    Court is adjourned.
•   What's wrong with your hair?
•   I’ll do it at half time.
•   Do you smell smoke?

A Note to January

Dearest January,

   Just a little note to tell you how happy I am that you've arrived. After the chaos that we call the holidays you are absolute calendar perfection! Thirty-one blissfully empty little squares to fill with soup making, time by the fireplace, even a little organizing. Sadly, some find you boring. You are not one of those pushy months that shoves events at us nonstop, but a quieter month that requires some effort. Many would argue that this effort is primarily spent on snow removal. Weather issues do tend to overshadow your more subtle charms, but charming you can be. So again, thrilled to have you back!

Affectionately,

  Crayon

    

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