Thursday, January 27

If You're Happy and You Know It

Hubby: Come take this "Happiness Quiz" in the Southwest Airlines magazine. I filled mine out on the plane and I want to see how you score.

Me: You are so competitive.

Hubby: Me?! You even compare our blood work after our physicals.

Me: That is not the least bit odd.

Hubby: Okay, I'll read you the questions and you answer them using the scale 1: not at all like me to 5: extremely like me. Ready?
Me: Oh, fine. But I'm a happy person, we both know it, and you're just jealous.

Hubby: Just answer the questions! Okay--"I have more good days than bad days."

Me: Five.

Hubby: "I matter to other people."

Me: Five

Hubby: "I enjoy things every day."

Me: Five

Hubby: You can't just answer "Five" for every question! That's not happy, that's delusional. 

Me: Why? What did you answer for that one?

Hubby: "Two."

Me: "Two" ? You have got to be kidding. And you wonder why I say you're a "glass is half empty" person. 

Hubby: But I said "Four" to "I take time for leisure activities"!

Me: I would hope so! Your day to day existence appears to be less than satisfactory.

Hubby: YOU don't take time for leisure activities.

Me: Of course I don't. Who has the time? I'm too busy making myself happy and obviously spending futile hours trying to make you happy as well. Was Eeyore a role model for you as a child?

Hubby: Very funny. Just finish answering the questions.

Me: Two. Four. Five. Five. Five. 

Hubby: Okay, let me add up your score. See? I knew it! You score in the "I Want Whatever She's Having" category.

Me: You know I live in my own Happy Land and it's very enjoyable there.

Hubby: I want to live in Happy Land, too. I can be more like Tigger!

Me: I know you can, honey. You just need to choke your inner Eeyore to death first. Then picture two Tiggers running joyously through Happy Land together. See? Isn't it fun there?

Hubby: Um, on second thought, I'm not sure there's enough room for both of us in Happy Land. Someone needs to stay home, and by "home" I mean "In touch with reality".

Me: Fine. No Eeyores allowed in Happy Land anyway. Didn't you see the sign?

Thursday, January 20

The Road to Hell...

Good Intention 
My children will not look ridiculous in public.

The Result  
Me: No, you cannot wear that Batcape to go shopping.

Minimus: Yes, I can.

Me: No, it's just for around the house.
Minimus: But I might NEED it!

Me: Honey, it's made from a diaper. You have a diaper tied around your neck. Do you want to go out like that?

Minimus: Yes! And SHE'S wearing her stupid tutu!

Me:  No, she isn't. 

Maximus: Yes I am!

Me: No, you're not.  Go put on those cute shorts we picked out.

Maximus: They're YUCKY! Tutu tutu tutu tutu tutu tutu. And BOOTS!  Boots boots boots boots boots boots.

Me: Just go get in the car.     


Friday, January 14

The Mom Life

 On many days being a mom feels surprisingly similar
to being pecked to death by chickens.


Friday, January 7

The Road to Hell...

Good Intention:  Seriously, why do parents allow their kids to eat such awful foods? When I have kids, I'm not even going to have that junk in my house.

Result: Do you want strawberry or chocolate swirl Pop Tarts with your Lucky Charms? And we only have orange Hi C or milk. No, I will not put Quik in it. Do you know how much sugar is in that stuff?


Monday, January 3

A Note to January

Dearest January,
   Just a little note to tell you how thrilled I am that you've arrived. After the chaos that we call the holidays you are absolute calendar perfection! Thirty-one blissfully empty little squares to fill with soup making, time by the fireplace, even a little organizing. Sadly, some find you boring. You are not one of those pushy months that shoves events at us nonstop, but a quieter month that requires some effort. Many would argue that this effort is primarily spent on snow removal. Weather issues do tend to overshadow your more subtle charms, but charming you can be. So again, thrilled to have you back!
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