Tuesday, May 8

Oasis of Tidy: A Fairy Tale

Me:  Wendy* is coming over in the morning so could you and the dogs, um...

Hubby:  Vanish?

Me:  You know the house doesn't stay tidy for more than 3 minutes when you're all in it. 

Hubby:  Are you saying we're messy?

Me:  Yes, Hansel, that's what I'm saying. If only your debris trail was bread crumbs, then the dogs could clean up after you.

Hubby:  I'll tidy up before I go to work.

Me:  Thanks. I just want it to be nice. You know how Wendy's house is a lovely oasis of organization and charm.

Hubby:  I think our house is an oasis.

Me:  After a sand storm.

Hubby:  Or a fur storm!

Me:  Not funny.

Hubby:  Hey, our house is great.

Me:  You don't even see the mess. You could live in a yurt.

Hubby:  My feelings, and I know I speak for the pets as well, are wounded.

Me:  Just don't bleed on the carpet. Wendy's coming.

*Names have not been changed to give credit where credit is due.


Monday, April 30

What Teachers Wish They Could Say (The Series) Part 3

Maybe your dog should have eaten your homework. 

No, I won't tweet you what you missed. 

Did you check the class website? Yes, there's a class website.  Since the first week.  I know it's 
the last week.  No, it wasn't a "secret website".  Yes, it's too late to drop. 

Late:  /lāt/  (adjective): Coming after the time when due. Doing something or taking place after the 
          expected, proper, or usual time. 

That burning smell is probably your spell checker.

Did you bring your hard copy? Oh, you emailed it... 

This is why there are helmet laws. 

And to the other 99% of my students--Thank you!


Thursday, April 12

If You're Happy and You Know It*

Hubby: Come take this "Happiness Quiz" in the Southwest Airlines magazine. I filled mine out on the plane and I want to see how you score.

Me: You are so competitive.

Hubby: Me?! You even compare our blood work after our physicals.

Me: That is not the least bit odd.

Hubby: Okay, I'll read you the questions and you answer them using the scale 1: not at all like me to 5: extremely like me. Ready?

Me: Oh, fine. But I'm a happy person and we both know it.

Hubby: Just answer the questions! Okay--"I have more good days than bad days."

Me: Five.

Hubby: "I matter to other people."

Me: Five

Hubby: "I enjoy things every day."

Me: Five

Hubby: You can't just answer "Five" for every question! That's not happy, that's delusional. 

Me: Why? What did you answer for that one?

Hubby: "Two."

Me: "Two" ? You have got to be kidding. And you wonder why I say you're a "glass is half empty" person. 

Hubby: But I said "Four" to "I take time for leisure activities".

Me: I would hope so since your day to day existence appears to be less than satisfactory.

Hubby: YOU don't take time for leisure activities.

Me: Who has the time? I'm too busy making myself happy and obviously spending futile hours trying to make you happy as well. Was Eeyore a role model for you as a child?

Hubby: Very funny. Just finish answering the questions.

Me: Two. Four. Five. Five. Five. 

Hubby: Okay, let me add up your score. See? I knew it! You score in the "I Want Whatever She's Having" category.

Me: You know I live in my own Happy Land and it's very enjoyable there.

Hubby: I want to live in Happy Land, too. I can be more like Tigger.

Me: I know you can, honey. You just need to choke your inner Eeyore to death first. Then picture two Tiggers running joyously through Happy Land together. See? Isn't it fun there?

Hubby: Um... On second thought, maybe someone needs to stay home, and by "home" I mean "In touch with reality".

Me: Fine. No Eeyores allowed in Happy Land anyway. Didn't you see the sign?

*a Scribbles Hubby favorite

Friday, March 30

Witty Comeback

Hubby:  Hey, what's up with your blog?

Me: You read my blog?

Hubby:  You haven't made fun of me in almost two months.

Me:  It isn't nice to pick on the infirm.

Hubby:  Now there's a word you don't hear every day!

Me:  But when I've been seeing it before my very eyes...

Hubby:  You're referring to my recent back problems I assume?

Me:  Never knowing which character you would be each day? Frankenstein, Walter Brennan, Kevin Costner in "The Big Chill"... 

Hubby:  I wasn't dead!

Me:  But you did just lie there on a number of occasions.

Hubby:  I prefer to think of it as suffering in quiet dignity, like Gary Cooper in "The Pride of the Yankees".

Me:  But that's just not funny. 

Hubby:  Maybe you could write something kind and sympathetic for a change?

Me:  Aaand....he's back!

Hubby:  Punny.

Me:  See?!


Friday, January 6

A Note to January

Dearest January,
   Just a little note to tell you how happy I am that you've arrived. After the chaos that we call the holidays you are absolute calendar perfection! Thirty-one blissfully empty little squares to fill with soup making, time by the fireplace, even a little organizing. Sadly, some find you boring. You are not one of those pushy months that shoves events at us nonstop, but a quieter month that requires some effort. Many would argue that this effort is primarily spent on snow removal. Weather issues do tend to overshadow your more subtle charms, but charming you can be. So again, thrilled to have you back!
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