Sunday, October 30

Happy Halloween! 

From our house to yours!

Thursday, October 20

Mixed Priorities or "The Raccoon Tale"*

Hubby: I'm going to Home Depot to get a replacement for the drain cover in our shower.

Me: Wha..? Might I ask why the shower drain cover would be a priority for today?

Hubby: Because it's all cruddy and gross.

Me: Ohh, I forgot. Today is Reverse Priority Day! Isn't that where we start at the bottom of our to-do list and work our way up to the things that actually matter?

Hubby: What do you mean?

Me: I mean there are about 749 other things that need to be taken care of before I would even THINK of replacing that shower drain cover. 

Hubby: What would you rather I do today, then?

Me: I thought you might want to get rid of the dead raccoon in the middle of the kitchen floor, for starters.

Hubby: I hadn't noticed that. 

Me: Clearly. I decided to just leave it there and wait to see how long it took for you to stop stepping over it and pick it up. Yet you notice the shower drain cover.

Hubby: Yep. Well, I'm heading out. Anything else you want me to pick up?

Me: Just the raccoon.

*A Scribbles Hubby Favorite!

Tuesday, October 11

Fun at the Grocery Store*

Register Guy:  ..scan..scan..  Hey Mrs.Crayon.  ..scan..scan..

This does not impress me. Calling me by my name does not make me feel like an Extra Super Special Customer. He only knows me because he has scanned my Extra Super Special Customer card and, frankly, I find this a little creepy.

Register Guy:  ..scan..scan..  Did you find everything you were, like, looking for today?  ..scan..scan..

Me: Actually, no. I was looking for creamed squirrel and you're either out of it or you don't carry it. I couldn't find any.

Register Guy:  ..scan..scan..  Oh, I'm sorry. ..scan..scan.. 

Me: That's it?

Register Guy:  ..scan..scan..  Paper or plastic? ..scan..scan.. 

Me:  Aren't you going to ask anyone? The specialty small animal manager? Ask someone to check in the back? Maybe you just haven't put it out yet. I know it's early for some of the seasonal items. 

Register Guy:  ..scan..scan..  I don't think we carry crushed squirrel. I've never seen it.  ..scan..scan.. 

Me:  It's not... Maybe you just didn't notice. The can is pretty small.  

Register Guy: ..scan..scan..  I could ask Todd.  ..scan..scan..  But he's at lunch.

Me: Probably eating the last of my creamed squirrel...

Register Guy:  Did you look with the little canned stuff like Underwood Deviled Ham? ..scan..scan..  Dude, that stuff is gross.  ..scan..scan.. 

Me: So if you're not going to do anything about it why do you always ask?

Register Guy:  ..scan..scan..  Because Todd makes us.   ..scan..scan..   So you'll feel like an Extra Super Special Customer.  ..scan..scan...

Me:  Right now I just feel like an Annoyed Extra Super Special Customer. Without her creamed squirrel.  

Register Guy:  ..ching..  Do you have any coupons?

Me: Just for creamed squirrel. 

Register Guy:  ..ching..  That'll be $147.63. Hey, you saved $0.12 with your Extra Super Special Shopper card!  And sorry about your chipmunk mousse, or whatever, Mrs. Carbon.

*a Scribbles rerun

Tuesday, October 4

It's Reunion Time Again!

Ladies, class reunion season is here again!.*
To make preparing for your reunion a bit easier, a handy clip-out checklist is provided.  



     ___Cut   (Especially if you still look like your senior picture)                  
     ___Wax  (Especially if you're beginning to look like your husband's senior picture)
     ___Lament (opt)

            ___No actual UV (Why do you think this category is so long?)
     ___Lament  see: UV (opt)
     ___Step back two feet (There.That's better.)

     ___Chip and (opt) Swear

     ___Brush ( x10)
     ___Actually Floss
            ___Toothpaste $
            ___Strips $$
            ___Dentist $$$

     ___Diet and Exercise 
     ___Self Acceptance
     ___Lament (opt)

     ___Something Cute
            ___Warm weather
                   ___Cleavage? (Don't bother. He looks like Clint Howard now.)
                   ___No cleavage?
            ___Cool weather (opt: Tan, Pedicure, select Hair items)
     ___Great Shoes
            ___Fabulous and comfy (Hahahaha!)

     ___A perfect hands-free bag
     ___Small album containing photos of:
            ___Adorable family
            ___Cute pets
            ___Omit: lavish vacation home(s), childbirth, trips, any recent surgeries.
     ___Husband (opt) 


For many of these items, as with skydiving and the rhythm method, timing is key. Hopefully this checklist provides some semblance of order to what is often a stressful, albeit self-induced, time.

Everybody's coming back to take stock of their lives. 
You know what I say? Leave your livestock alone. 
                                                     -Debi  (Grosse Pointe Blank)

*a Scribbles rerun
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