Tuesday, October 11

Fun at the Grocery Store*

Register Guy:  ..scan..scan..  Hey Mrs.Crayon.  ..scan..scan..

This does not impress me. Calling me by my name does not make me feel like an Extra Super Special Customer. He only knows me because he has scanned my Extra Super Special Customer card and, frankly, I find this a little creepy.

Register Guy:  ..scan..scan..  Did you find everything you were, like, looking for today?  ..scan..scan..

Me: Actually, no. I was looking for creamed squirrel and you're either out of it or you don't carry it. I couldn't find any.

Register Guy:  ..scan..scan..  Oh, I'm sorry. ..scan..scan.. 

Me: That's it?

Register Guy:  ..scan..scan..  Paper or plastic? ..scan..scan.. 

Me:  Aren't you going to ask anyone? The specialty small animal manager? Ask someone to check in the back? Maybe you just haven't put it out yet. I know it's early for some of the seasonal items. 

Register Guy:  ..scan..scan..  I don't think we carry crushed squirrel. I've never seen it.  ..scan..scan.. 

Me:  It's not... Maybe you just didn't notice. The can is pretty small.  

Register Guy: ..scan..scan..  I could ask Todd.  ..scan..scan..  But he's at lunch.

Me: Probably eating the last of my creamed squirrel...

Register Guy:  Did you look with the little canned stuff like Underwood Deviled Ham? ..scan..scan..  Dude, that stuff is gross.  ..scan..scan.. 

Me: So if you're not going to do anything about it why do you always ask?

Register Guy:  ..scan..scan..  Because Todd makes us.   ..scan..scan..   So you'll feel like an Extra Super Special Customer.  ..scan..scan...

Me:  Right now I just feel like an Annoyed Extra Super Special Customer. Without her creamed squirrel.  

Register Guy:  ..ching..  Do you have any coupons?

Me: Just for creamed squirrel. 

Register Guy:  ..ching..  That'll be $147.63. Hey, you saved $0.12 with your Extra Super Special Shopper card!  And sorry about your chipmunk mousse, or whatever, Mrs. Carbon.

*a Scribbles rerun


  1. It's why I order on line and have my shopping delivered - that and living in the sticks.. though I get to have idle conversation with the van driver instead!

  2. You have GOT to get published. You make me laugh so much. The creamed squirrel line is genius.

  3. Fran at "Being Me" prompted a visit to your blog and I'm grateful she did. Great stuff here. I'm now a fan and eagerly waiting for more.

  4. Ditto to what Stephen said--I'm now a follower. Thanks, Fran!

  5. hausfrau- The sticks sound lovely so much of the time. And if your van driver is as sweet as my mailman then you're in luck!

    Fran- You know I love it when I can make you laugh!

  6. Stephen Hayes- Thanks for coming over! Incredibly nice of Fran. High praise coming from her-she's SO funny to me!

    fishducky- I'm so glad you came by! It's always nice to know we're amusing someone other than ourselves, isn't it? That Fran...

  7. Hilarious! I always make them wide awake by secretly reading their names on their little plates on their bosom - and when they say "Hello, Mrs. Hill!" I say "Thank you, Mrs. Meyer-Frog!" Then they are spreechless (for a while, starting anew: "I wish you a nice day!" (I bet...) and I say "I wish you a nice day too, Mrs. M-F"

  8. Fran sent me... she said you'd like this spare tin of creamed Squirrel...
    p.s. You're my new favourite blog! 8-)

  9. I'm in. Creamed squirrel. Works for me.

  10. Frances Garrood- Thank you! And yes, Fran was so nice to share so many of her fun readers!

    Britta- "Mrs. Meyer-Frog"! Bahahaha! Thanks for joining us!

    broken biro- Thanks for popping in! And with gifts-a lovely compliment AND snacks!

    Midlife Jobhunter- Yay! And creamed squirrel just makes me laugh, too!

  11. Fran said this is funny and she's right ;-)

  12. Carolina- Thank you! We all have the same looney sense of humor, don't we?

  13. Another hilarious blog that I now follow...so between you and Fran my days will be filled with laughter. As for the creamed squirrel, I can so relate - at least you did get communication from the scanning guy, I usually get a blank stare and a teenage type grunt of "naaa" when I ask for something vegetarian, makes me very tempted to say "get out of this small town - see the world - there actually is life out there", but....naaa.


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